Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
