Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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