it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
