Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
