it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
