my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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