But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
