awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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