That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
