I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
