Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
