So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
