I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
