If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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