You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
