Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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