its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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