I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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