It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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