I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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