you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
