i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
