Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Floor bacon is actually really good
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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