I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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