Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
