We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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