If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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