Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
