I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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