Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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