I feel great
I just peed on a car
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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