I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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