At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
