I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
