every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
