I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
