I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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