i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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