im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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