I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
