i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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