"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
