I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the day after is always just damage control
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
