What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
