He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
