did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
