Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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