Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
