you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
