i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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