i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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