Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
