Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
