He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
