it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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