Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
