sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
