I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
