Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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