his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
