i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
