Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
