Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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