just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
