It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
